What if there’s a human out there who can’t feel anything at all?

I’d like to be her or him tonight. Or probably a couple more days or months or even years. Take a big break of feeling too much because my size can’t handle all these feelings and thoughts that kept building inside me. And then maybe once I’m done being numb, I can go back, restart and guard my heart and everything within me because I don’t want to go back to being a human who feels so much and thinks so much that I might explode and lose myself to oblivion.

Why do I have to be that kind of person? Why do I have to overthink things too much? How do I fix something that is beyond repair? How do I stop myself from falling to the wrong place? Why can’t I just stop and be done with it afterward?

If only I have my answers beforehand, I would be at peace. I wouldn’t be such a mess. I wouldn’t be staying up all night, thinking and thinking of the same things over and over again. If only we can delete people in our thoughts forever, taking our feelings for them and lost in our life for eternity—then maybe living in reality wouldn’t be so hard at all.

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